Tension in relationship is nothing new. Tension or conflict over money is not new either. Many, if not most adults avoid “money” conversations. Just like other key issues (sex, religion and child rearing) that seem so sensitive, deep and inexpressible, lack of money communication acts like a tourniquet to the life’s blood of relationship.

Of course money is inanimate, yet it is energy. This energy is animated by thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. Mostly it is animated by thoughts, beliefs and attitudes from the past. In ghostly fashion these thoughts inhabit our lives, relationships and out-comes. No where is this more obvious than in our intimate relationships.

When the pieces of the money communication puzzle come together, your whole life makes sense.

Money is energy that can be plugged into.

Think of money like electricity. It can light and warm a home, and at the same time if your home is not wired properly, it can burn it down. Or if you don’t understand electricity properly, you can shock your self by putting your finger in the socket instead of the plug. Mostly, folks go around shocking themselves with these money ghosts, occasionally burning the house down.  No one likes being shocked, yet time and again the process is repeated—hoping for light and warmth.

Studies over the last 20 years have consistently shown financial stress as the top cause of relationship failure. And while there are many other factors that contribute to a break-up, these ancillary factors seemed to be survivable when ability to discuss and manage money is present.  Why would that be? 

To begin with, money represents freedom. Used wisely, this energy brings you a host of choices that one would not have otherwise. It brings the ability to seek help, expertise for the very problems that are stressing a relationship. In tougher economic times, the divorce rate climbs. Why? Whatever stress is already present is exacerbated by lack of financial resources. Getting married, starting a business, having a baby, children going to college, going back to school, you name it—it all involves changes in money—changes in energy and how you are currently working with the energy.

Do you know your Family of Origin “money tapes?”

I have a toolbox of sorts that I give my clients. We use these tools to determine the money terrain of the “map of reality” folks carry around in their heads. What is the “map of reality”?  Well, it is every thought, attitude, belief you have—and believe it to be true.

Here is one for you: “You have to work hard for the money”.  How about, “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer”; or “money doesn’t grow on trees.” There is a whole list of these thoughts, or money tapes running in our heads. Yes, your head, my head, everyone’s head— default programming running all of the time.

It isn’t so much that the tape is bad, it is that we don’t stop to ask the most important question: “Is the tape TRUE”?

I have seen plenty of folks who do not work hard for the money. So have you. I have seen plenty of poor people move beyond poverty, and while I have never seen a money tree, I have seen folks use the energy of money wisely so that their ATM card is always bearing fruit.

Why don’t we question these old money tapes? Where do these tapes come from? And most importantly—what do you need to know to expunge the ones not working for you?

I am excited to tell you about a workshop in September, The Money Between Us (click here to register) answering these questions. I am thrilled to be working with relationship coach and expert Betsy Bergquist, MA and her husband, Bruce (www.betsyandbruce.com). I asked them to join me because they are experts in communication techniques that work.

Betsy is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist and Couples Workshop Presenter practicing in Clinton, and for the past ten years she and Bruce together have been offering the Getting the Love You Want Weekend Workshop, based on the perennial bestseller by Harville Hendrix PhD. (you may have seen him in one his frequent appearance on Oprah).

Among many other features, the Imago dialogue process they teach assists us in creating a safe place to look at our “family of origin” and where all those money tapes came from: Babysitters, teachers, clergy, parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, anyone who you spent time with growing would be in this diverse group called your family of origin.

As part of this “don’t miss” event, Betsy and Bruce will be demonstrating, describing, and helping those who attend see how this process can help dismantle old ghostly beliefs and ways of looking at ourselves and each other when it comes to money.

And how learning to communicate in a satisfactory way today, about today is the next step.

This is where many folks confuse easy with simple. Yes, as you’ll see it is simple. It is not easy.

That is why for the first time I am putting steps one and step two together in one workshop. Attendees will be given a complete toolbox to take home. Just imagine: You can come away with potential to:

• Recognize when an old tape is playing
• Not be reactive to it
• Strengthen your intimate bonds
• Learn to live in “today” not the past
• End the struggle in money and communication

If you have read my previous ezene’s you know I speak of our lives as ‘earth school”. We are all learning lessons, daily. I can tell you that the differences between being C students and A students are investments in yourself.  Energy of money and money communication are essential curriculum for lives of Peace, Prosperity and Joy. I hope you will join me and Betsy and Bruce on September 25, at The Money Between Us.

Karen has a Ph.D. in Psychology and Master’s Degrees in Business and Economics. Karen blends hard money skills with life skills, and wants everyone to learn to live a life of joy and prosperity. She’s committed to teaching folks how to accomplish this. If you want more information on budgeting, the “cash-out” challenge or her upcoming books, please e-mail info@KarenMonroy.com.

And if you have a question(s) for Dr. Karen, please e-mail: info@KarenMonroy.com